


We loved with every step we took

by thaxatos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Break Up, College, Falling In Love, Fluff, Kinda, M/M, Pets, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Smut, Stargazing, but it's not iwaoi who break up istg, but not very graphic, there is going to be so much fluff guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 11:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11782605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thaxatos/pseuds/thaxatos
Summary: Charaphernelia: Cah-Rah-Fer-Knee-Lee-A(n.) A broken heart disease that occurs whenever someone leaves you, but leaves all of their things behindHe knew which words would leave her mouth now. Her head fell. „I always had the feeling you are searching something in me, I can't offer. I'm sorry.“ This were exactly the words he had expected.With these last words she stepped over the threshold into the corridor.Tooru, still standing in the middle of his kitchen, let loose. He sank to the ground, burying his head in his hands.He didn't cry. He just let loose. He didn't feel miserable because she left, no, he felt miserable because he was left, again. What did he always search in his girlfriends that made them feel like they weren't enough? His last two relationships ended with the same words. Had girls a secret club where they conspired against him? Where they thought of one special sentence to tell him when they are going to leave? Just to drive him mad? Because that was exactly what it did to him. It drove him mad. Thinking about this sentence made him feel like driving against a wall and getting a concussion.





	1. Charaphernelia

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~. So, this is the first time I wrote a Fanfiction after approximately three years.  
> The title is an extract from the song [I'll be Ok](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-dN4Yvec6c) by Nothing More.  
> I wrote this chapter while listening to [this](https://playmoss.com/en/thaxatos/playlist/ciriphnrnnlii) playlist. I made a playlist to listen to for each chapter.  
> A huge thank you to [Amalas](amalasdraws.tumblr.com) for beta reading this chapter! She kinda pushed me into the right direction, haha. I don't have anything left to say, besides  
> Enjoy!

"Did you hear me?“ she asked with a voice so sharp it could have cut through iron.

In all honesty, no, he didn't hear her. Fuck. "Yes. Sure I did,“ was his really thoughtful answer.

„Tooru. I've known you for half a year now. I know exactly that you weren't listening, _at all,_ “ she fired back. "I don't _want_ to do this anymore. It's just not working out.“

Tooru couldn't look her in the eyes. Another pair of eyes that was filled with disappointment, thanks to him. A smile hushed over his lips.

"Why the hell are you smiling?“ she remarked the second his lips parted. His eyes wandered around the flat. _Their_ flat.

The girl in front of him was Kazue Aizawa and she visited Tokyo University, like him, to study English. She was a smart and witty girl, with eyes the color of the deepest part of the Mariana Trench. Eyes that held more emotion, than the expressions of some people’s faces and within half a year Tooru had seen this eyes grazed with every expression.

They were like a map to her soul he was able to easily read. When she was happy, her eyes twinkled like the starry sky holding every celestial object in them. The same sky Tooru dedicated his life to. He adored seeing her this way and loved being the one who set the stars into them.

Her hair fell like a stream of ash down to her shoulders. It never quite did what she wanted it to. It was always as untamed as she herself. Tooru really liked her and her energetic and outgoing personality.

This girl was a wildfire, burning with the sensation of a purgatory. Burning every obstacle to the ground till nothing more was left than ash, the color of her hair. All the same, she was like the Mariana Trench and Tooru felt like he was drowning in her, but not enough to be fully consumed. Maybe this was his issue?

His gaze stilled at the solar system model, that gracefully hung from the ceiling. It was a present to him. Kazue always despised it. He never got the reason for her odium.

She broke the silence "Look at me! Stop being so indifferent and listen to me. Show some emotion, for fucks sake!“ He turned his head, looking back to where he did before: The small area of skin between her eyebrows. This was his way of looking a person in the eyes without doing so. His way of being polite while being impolite. She had never found out.

Kazue took a deep breath through her nose and let it out between her peachy lips, "I won't take anything of the furniture with me. You need it more than me.“ Tooru moved his head slowly up and down, hoping it would look like a nod. Apparently it did because she nodded back.

He felt as if he was paralyzed. He couldn't get a hold on his thoughts. His body didn't move the way he wanted it to.

After minutes of silence she crossed her arms, "I can't believe you're not even going to ask why I'm leaving you. Are you that detached?“

The words dripped from her lips like poison, slowly making it's way into his system. Those last four words caught him so off-guard and were full of... loathing?

Was he really detached? Did he really not care about her? And if that's the case, did he show it so obviously? Maybe he really was an open book you can easily read, as much as he hated this thought.

His gaze shifted to her eyes. They had darkened and a dull glaze lingered on them, sharp and steady. He could feel her trying to get access to his mind. He did what he always did when she tried this: He encoded every emotion and thought until only he was able to read them. He didn't want her to know what's going on inside of him.

But thanks to his ability to read people like maps, he knew exactly what emotions she wanted to see in him right now.

What she wanted to see were remorse and sadness, so he did that. Feigning those two emotions wasn't that hard for him. He just had to think three and a half years back and the feelings tangled around his limbs and burnt themselves into his bones until he couldn't feel anything else. It hurt. _He_ hurt.

"Why?“ he asked with a voice, sounding so distant like somebody else said it. A thick layer of brokenness clung to the words he spoke, dimming the letters.

Kazue squinted her eyes and huffed " _Because_ we know nothing about each other, besides our name, address and courses. And don't deny that.“ He closed his mouth again, due to her sharp words.

"Tooru, we both deserve someone who we are happy with. Genuinely happy. Somebody we feel comfortable enough to even share our darkest secrets with. I'm not this someone to you,“ a torn smile played on her lips as she continued speaking, "You and I know that this isn't the kind of fulfilling love we want, we _need._ ”

He knew he looked apathetic. Disinterested even. But why should he break down because another person was leaving him again?

He felt her getting angrier with every second they stood in the silent kitchen. The same kitchen they baked tarts last winter. The same kitchen that once was filled with laughter and an aura you could lose yourself in without thinking twice about it. Now hate and contempt oozed from Kazue's skin. Most of it emanated from her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. Tooru shuddered. This isn't going to end well. Something inside Kazue broke. Tooru tore too long on the elastic in her until he ripped it in half and the both of them were met with a burning sensation.

"I really didn't want to tell you this, but I want to see an emotion on your face again. _Any_ emotion. I want to _see_ that you care,“ she spit.

His heart drummed against his thorax in an unsteady and fast beat. Insecurity was now in his system, coiling itself around his intestines. A devilish smile hovered on her lips, ready to fire a bullet into his very being.

Kazue was a person, who wants to be in control. She wanted to be the trigger of feelings. When she got angry and felt helpless, she would do anything just to get a taste of might. Without reckoning on losses.

"I cheated on you. I fucking cheated on you with Minori Sakamura.“

Minori Sakamura. The name echoed in his mind. A friend of Kazue. She shares some courses with Kazue. They knew each other before Tooru stepped in their lives. Isn't it funny? The girl his girlfriend cheated on him, being named 'Minori'? Which means 'Truth'.

He felt a hole opening up below him, baring the darkness of abyss and inviting him to let loose, to sink into. Disgust ascended from the hole, embracing him whole. And he accepted it. Tooru’s mind went blank. He felt horrible. Not because he loved her and felt betrayed, no, because his pride was hurt. Was he such a bad guy that she had to _cheat_ on him? Wasn't he enough? The feeling of disgust wreathed around his guts and held them tightly. He felt as if his lungs were filled with water. _Now,_ he was drowning in her very being.

She said these words with the intention to shatter him, to feel powerful.

He wouldn't give her any of that. She thought she could break him to pieces, with only her words and then run away? Leaving him to pick himself up again between fragments of his happiness? No, he was done with doing that. He wouldn't let her feel the satisfaction of breaking him like porcelain, like so many had tried before her.

If she insisted on hurting him, he would show her how to really harm someone.

Without batting a lash, the atmosphere around him shifted. He looked out of the window with a bored expression. Away from _her_.

"Are you finished then? I thought you wanted to leave?“ this was the last she expected. She thought he would cry, even scream, but like he said, he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of seeing him like that.

"You know, I still have some papers to work on, so please, _get out now_ ," he spit those last three words out like a bullet.

A smile grazed his lips again. For people who didn't know Oikawa Tooru, it may have looked like a polite smile, but Kazue knew exactly it was _his_ smile, filled with the most abhorrence he could manage into a flash of teeth.

She threw her head back and stepped away. As gracious as she stepped into his life, she stepped out of it again.

With a trembling hand she opened the door. Did she tremble out of fury? Sadness? He didn’t know, nor did he care. But she stilled. He knew which words would leave her mouth now. Her head fell, "I always had the feeling you are searching something in me, I can't offer. I'm sorry.“

This were exactly the words he had expected.

With these last words she stepped over the threshold into the corridor.

Tooru, still standing in the middle of _his_ kitchen, let loose. He sank to the ground, burying his head in his hands.

He didn't cry. He just let loose. He didn't feel miserable because _she_ left, no, he felt miserable because _he was left,_ again. What did he always search in his girlfriends that made them feel like they weren't enough? His last two relationships ended with the same words. Had girls a secret club where they conspired against him? Where they thought of one special sentence to tell him when they are going to leave? Just to drive him mad? Because that was exactly what it did to him. It drove him mad. Thinking about this sentence made him feel like driving against a wall and getting a concussion.

It couldn’t possible be a coincidence that his last three girlfriends told him the _same damn sentence_.

What was wrong with him? _What the hell did he search for?_

She left all of the furniture she had brought with her. _Why?_ Tooru's stomach ached. Because she wanted to be sure he won't forget about her and _hurt_ while thinking of her? When he looked up, everything made him remember her. The hundreds of plants she bought because, _do you know how good it is too keep plants in your flat? Especially when you don't leave the house._ The ugly lamp in the corner reminded him of her. He despised this lamp. It was so ugly. But he endured it because Kazue endured the Solar System Model. Was this what their relationship was based on? Compromises?

 _Too close, too close._ Tooru felt as if the ceiling was going to fall, as if the walls were coming closer. His brain short-circuited.

 _"Air. I need fresh air,“_ was the only thought circling his mind. The air in the small apartment was still loaded with the electricity of a former discord. The air he pulled through his lungs was stifling.

Pulling himself up again he moved to the coat-check. When he came home, he didn't even realize that Kazue's belongings were gone.

He reached into the left pocket of his coat and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He tried to let go of smoking, because he knew what it did to his body. But right now, he couldn't care less.

Should the nicotine blacken his lungs and let them rot. Should it cut off his respiratory tract until he suffocates. He couldn't care less.

Making his way to the kitchen window, he turned off all the lights. He didn't want to see anything, besides the steady burn of his cigarette. The beautiful glim it extracted, even though being so poisonous.

He opened the kitchen window and took a deep breath of the night air. He felt the oxygen fill his lungs. His head felt light and with the used air, he breathed the stress out. The wind tickled his skin and goosebumps rose, covering his whole skin. He felt _alive_.

Opposite of his window was another one from the house next to his. The distance from his to the other clerestory was like two meters.

He placed himself on the broad windowsill and looked up. Seeing the stars always lifted his mood like nothing. Well, there _was_ something or rather _someone_ who was able to lift his mood faster than the stars ever could and even during the day, when you can't see the stars.

Closing his eyes and falling into memories, he put the cigarette between his lips, took a drag and lit it while doing so.

He pulled the smoke through his lungs, tasted the nicotine and released it through his nose into the night, where it was able to slowly vanished into the dark. A sigh of relief made its way through his lips.

"Rough night, huh?“

Tooru opened his eyes at the speed of a bullet train and almost choked on the smoke.

Where did this voice come from?

To his right was a silhouette, leaning out of the window. Apparently it was a guy. All deep, raspy voice and broad shoulders, that could lift buildings with their sheer strength.

"Sorry, sorry. I didn't want to startle you,“ the guy added amused to his question.

Tooru took another drag of his cigarette and relaxed again.

"It's fine. And to answer your question, yes. It was a _really_ rough night. My girlfriend just broke up with me and announced that she cheated on me. With another girl,“ he stated after breathing the smoke out again.

He didn't know why he told this guy that. They didn't know each other and he still told him that. This guy had an odd aura around him. Something warm and familiar. Tooru felt like he was coming _home._

"So. She slept with another girl and didn't let you take part or even invite you? That's harsh.“

Tooru's jaw dropped. Did this guy, who he knew for like three minutes, just crack a fucking joke about the fact that his girlfriend cheated on him?

"Mean!“ Tooru returned in a shrill voice.

A honest laugh ripped through Tooru's upper body and bubbled out of him before he could think about it. He hadn't laughed like this for what felt like ages. Even though it probably had just been like twenty-four hours. The stranger started to laugh too. It was eerily familiar. The laugh of the other man sounded like Tooru’s favorite song to which he already listened to a thousand times. It was a tingling feeling he sensed in his whole body.

After both of them were breathless of laughter, they fell in a comfortable silence.

"You know that those are poison for your body, right?“ the other man asked. Tooru took another deep drag of his poison and released it again.

"Sure. I'm aware of that. But I really don't care right now.“

Just in this moment, Tooru recognized that his voice didn't even remotely sound like his voice. There was still this layers of brokenness placed on top of it. He wouldn't have known it was his own, hadn't he felt his lips move.

"You really should care. Not being able to breath is the worst," the silhouette shot back

"Are you my doctor?“ Tooru asked in return.

He heard a snort from the opposite window.

„I don't think so, but I'm a medicine student. But even if I weren't, I would _still_ know that these are poison and you're not doing yourself a favor with this.“

Tooru's eyes widened

"Oh,“ he cooed, "How intelligent are you Mr. Silhouette?“

He rubbed the butt of his cigarette on the ledge and threw it down, looking back up to the stars, smiling.

"Did you really just call me Mr. Silhouette? This is so stupid, oh my god,“ he laughed. Tooru went with the laughter.

The voice of this guy felt like honey to Tooru. It slowly seeped into his head, until it stopped at his brain, where it nested itself in. His voice sounded also slightly abraded like cobblestone. The voice was like rough stones covered in honey.

" _So nice to listen to,”_ Tooru thought. A roar echoed through the night.

"Do you go to university too?“ the silhouette asked, again with honey dripping from his voice.

"Ah, yes. I visit Tokyo University. I'm majoring in physics, so I can be an astronomer someday. Which university do you go to?“

"From tomorrow on, I'll go to the same as you. I just moved here from Nagoya this weekend,“ the figure answered. Tooru hummed in appreciation.

In the distance he could hear thunder and the air was thick with the smell of an upcoming storm. A breeze blew through his hair, into the warmth of the kitchen. Hearing clouds crash against each other has always been soothing to him. Another strong wind pushed it's way through the alleys of Tokyo, whispering secrets only it knew.

He felt better already. Still, he would have to lick the wounds of his injured pride, but besides that, he was fine.

They both listened to the wind singing them a lullaby. Just as Tooru opened his mouth to ask for the name of the other, a thunderbolt illuminated everything around him and he found himself staring into deep, green eyes with freckles surrounding them. His eyes were so green, Tooru was immediately reminded of the woods, damp air and the smell of moss hit him.

His gaze shifted over the face of the other one and suddenly it broke down on him.

How could he have ever forgotten this voice? The same voice he had lost himself in many times before. The same voice he hadn't heard for three and a half years. The same voice that still haunts his sleep.

" _Hajime,“_ he breathed out, eyes wide like sorcerers.

The words tumbled out of his still open mouth. Darkness fell over the two of them again. Tooru heard the rain drum on windows, the ground and roofs. He took in the smell of it. Everything felt so _familiar_.

Nostalgia gripped his heart tight and dug it's claws in the soft flesh, without noticing, it ripped holes into it. Apathy carved itself into his bones, again and wouldn't come out until he picked at it.

The sensation of those feelings left his head fogged. He couldn't grasp a single thought. Every one slipped through his pale fingers into the nothingness of his mind. His breathing quickened. He had to hold onto the window frame, or else he would _fall_.

The only thing he could make out between raindrops, was the familiar abraded honey, oozing from golden peachy lips in the dark, now overdrawn with hurt.

" _Tooru.“_


	2. Serendipity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serendipity: Ser-En-Dip-I-Ty  
> (n.) Finding something beautiful without looking for it
> 
> One thought shot through his mind like a bolt, causing a power error in himself. The thought coiled around his brain, without a sign of letting go soon. He embraced the sentiment. 
> 
> "Hajime knew I study at Tokyo University.“ 
> 
> It was no coincidence. It was purpose. 
> 
> Tooru felt the raindrops racing down his face, until they united on his chin to drop off. The breeze blew into his face, leaving their trails cold like a path of nitrogen. 
> 
> Silent tears began to mix to the raindrops. Tasting salt on his lips, he just let them. Always playing strong was tiring. 
> 
> He encompassed the sudden wave of emotions, he never thought he had. The riot of sensation inside of him turned into a war. He was not able to make out the individual feelings. They merged to a flood, drowning him from the inside. But he did nothing against it. He didn't try to swim to the surface to fill his lungs again with air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter! 
> 
> And here's the [Serendipity Playlist](https://playmoss.com/en/thaxatos/playlist/E6A8n94eBEn94eB2e97eAAE6A5eAAE6ADeA3)

Tooru's heart began to speed up. Adrenaline shot through his veins. His whole body shivered and his breath got caught in his lungs. He felt his body going numb. All of his limbs felt way heavier than they normally do.

" _Breath,“_ he reminded himself, _"_ _Fucking breath.“_  

He took a shaky breath. How can one person let you forget to do all the things you usually do automatic?

There are two things he considered doing:

First, running away.

Second, jumping out of the window, in the arms of his until minutes ago lost best friend.

Out of instinct, he jumped down from the ledge and closed the window at high speed. So, he chose the first option.

One word. He was still able to hear _one word_.

"Wait!“

It echoed through his head, leaving his bones trembling. Still staring at the closed window he started to pick at the skin around his nails.

" _This can't be true. I must be dreaming. Wake up!“_ nothing happened. He didn't wake up. With wobbly fingers he touched the silky curtain, gripped it and pulled it shut.

" _What the hell is happening here?“_ he asked himself, but, of course, he didn't get an answer.

He felt blood running over his fingers to his wrists, while still staring at the closed drape. A feeling of not being in control anymore crawled up through his body.

On unsteady feet, he tumbled to the bathroom. With bloody hands he reached for first-aid-kit and pulled out some bandages. He has lost the control over his impulses.

After he had bandaged the wounds on his fingers he wanked to the coat-check, threw on his jacket with the keys in and stepped into the corridor. He needed to get out. He couldn't stay here any longer.

Mindlessly he wandered down the stairs until he reached the entrance door. Striding out in the cool night, the air played with his hair. Softly it guided strands of chocolate over his face. He had no destination in mind. He just wanted to get _away_. To come clear and sort his thoughts out.

So he walked. With each breath he sucked in the fresh air. Raindrops splashed onto his face on the contrary to the gentle brushes of hair. Shifting his gaze to the ground he didn't look where he walked. He would see where his steps take him.

He could hear the wind blowing through the leaves, sighing a song of grief with the thunder indicating the beat. His mind shut down completely.

After god knows how long of walking, he found himself again in a park, drenched to the bones. Meters and meters of grass stretching out in front of him. The smell of rain and greenness lingered in the air. He caught sight of a bench. This was his destination now.

He sat down and let loose. His body folded in on himself. Starting to sort his thoughts out, he pondered about his feelings. Tooru had no idea what was going on inside of him. It felt like a riot.

Was he angry at Hajime? He couldn't tell.

After they had finished High School, they both took a year off to study for their entrance exams. Hajime chose to go to Nagoya, Tooru chose to go to Tokyo.

At first it hit him hard. Both of them going their separate ways. And he knew it had hit Hajime just as hard. They both were so used to having each other around. Sharing everything. At first it felt as if someone had taken a part of their soul. But they had faith in themselves to keep up their friendship, even over a great distance.

For six months it was all fine. They regularly called each other over Skype and met up every two weekends. But then Hajime shut down. Tooru didn't recognize it at first, didn't do anything against it. Until it was too late. Until they hadn't seen or talked to each other in months. They were like boiling frogs.

" _Why is he here? After three and a half years of no contact. No sign of life.“_

He could break his mind over this question, but he wouldn't get an answer. He didn't have the answer within him. Maybe the wind had it between gathered secrets? So he listened, and listened. Listened to the wind roaring through the night, through the thin grasses.

One thought shot through his mind like a bolt, causing a power error in himself. The thought coiled around his brain, without a sign of letting go soon. He embraced the sentiment.

" _Hajime knew I study at Tokyo University.“_

It was no coincidence. It was purpose.

Tooru felt the raindrops racing down his face, until they united on his chin to drop off. The breeze blew into his face, leaving their trails cold like a path of nitrogen.

Silent tears began to mix to the raindrops. Tasting salt on his lips, he just let them. Always playing strong was tiring.

He encompassed the sudden wave of emotions, he never thought he had. The riot of sensation inside of him turned into a war. He was not able to make out the individual feelings. They merged to a flood, drowning him from the inside. But he did nothing against it. He didn't try to swim to the surface to fill his lungs again with air.

The silent tears slowly started to transform into loud sobbing. Through his eyes he let the flood inside of him ebb away. Crying and waiting, until he was thoroughly drained.

Slowly he opened his eyes just to notice the missing of one of his contact lenses.

He felt so cold. Everything was so cold. The whole park around him was dipped into to blackness of the night. If he was going to sit here, soaked, any longer he would catch a cold. So he bundled all the force he could currently bring up and walked back to his apartment.

As he stood in front of the house his apartment was in, he looked to the building on the right. Where Hajime's apartment was. Out of one window, light was peeking out.

He didn't know how he got up the stairs or inside his flat.

In the bathroom he started to peel himself out of the wet clothes. As he looked into the mirror, his breath got caught. He looked _miserable._ Stepping further to the mirror, he examined himself. His eyes still glassed over with tears. The skin under is eyes was reddened and his tear sacks were swollen to their doubled size. He looked as if he had aged ten years within the last hours. His skin looked grey and pale, littered with creases. His hair looked like a battlefield. Strands sticked in every direction.

He looked at his wrists. On the right one were seven phases of the moon, and on the left the refection of five stars connected by lines, the constellation of cancer, engraved in his skin.

With his right hand he reached to the inside of his left upper arm. A picture of the earth in a minimalist stile and with a black ocean sat there. The words "How rare and beautiful it is to even exist“ twirled around it.

Lastly he touched the back of his neck. "A thousand moments that I had just taken for granted – mostly because I assumed that there would be a thousand more.“ and below it the planets of the solar system were inscribed there. This was is youngest tattoo.

It always reminded him of Volleyball. When he had twisted his knee so bad, the doctors told him he should go easy on himself. But of course he didn't listen and pushed himself harder. He could still feel the twitching pain. His face twisted. By pushing himself he only worsened the matter.

He dared to fly, even with a broken wing.

He worsened it to the point where it snapped. The doctors told him he wouldn't play again in this life. His whole world broke at this. After all he wanted to go pro. Now there was a big X scribbled over his future plans. And the worst thing was, he put it there on his own.

But Hajime was there for him to share the pain. To cuddle in the uncomfortable hospital bed. To warm Tooru's cold body. To let Tooru cry into the crook of his neck. To whisper shaking words filled with hope into Tooru's ear.

A memory starts to play itself in front of Tooru's inner eye before he could stop it.

After he injured his knee, he was also forced to wear a splint and walk with crutches. He hated every single second of it.

In his memory he went for a walk with Hajime. Naturally without crutches, because he was Oikawa Tooru and didn't need such thing. And he couldn't increase the damage anyway. Of course Hajime scolded him for not using the support he was given. But Tooru assured him it wasn't that bad and he could make it.

Remembering this he can still picture everything so vividly, as if it only happened yesterday.

He could still hear the conversation the two of them had about their futures. He could still see the crooked, humble smile on Hajime's lips, while he talked about wanting to study medicine. He could still smell the fresh spring air. He could still feel the warmth Hajime's body radiated.

But on their way back, the pain in his knee was unbearable. He broke down in the middle of the path, to the annoyance of other pedestrians. He started crying. But not because of the pain he already got so used to. He cried because he wasn't able to even fucking walk on his own. He felt like a burden. His guts were burning from the sensation of fury and frustration.

And the only thing his best friend did was to hug him and carry him home. Hajime just shoved his arms under the back of Tooru's knees and around his back and picked him up as if he didn't weight anything. Tooru let him and placed his left arm around Hajime's shoulders. Both not caring about strange looks. Because it is them. It is how they are. Hajime allowing Tooru to cry onto his shoulder and murmuring soft words to him. _This is them._

Was. It _was_ them.

Why did he remember this of all things? This was just a reminder of what he had lost. Just because he had taken everything for granted.

It occurred to him only now, that _maybe_ the tattoo on his neck was way more connected to _Hajime_ than he thought.

Tooru felt a sharp tug on his heart. This had to be how it felt like to get stabbed in the heart.

But. Hajime was here now. _Opposite of his kitchen._

They could talk this out. Apologize. Try to sew the hole the size of three and a half years _they_ left in Tooru's heart. _Together._

He stepped into the shower and welcomed the steamy water. The scent of his favourite soap always soothed him. The smell of vanilla, raspberries and roses settled itself into his nose. A satisfied sigh escaped his lips.

“ _We can work this out,”_ he thought.

With this thought still in mind, he crawled into his bed. The bed which always held two sources of warmth. But not tonight. For the first time in six months.

* * *

 

Classes were tiring the following day. Tooru couldn't really concentrate. The whole time he thought about how to approach Hajime. What to say when he would finally be in front of him. He still didn't know what to do. But he would figure it out.

When he stepped into the hallway where his apartment was, the air was filled with a impenetrable sweet scent. It was familiar, but he didn't know exactly what it was. Maybe the family next to his apartment baked some cake.

Light flooded through the window at the end of the corridor. Dipping the walls in a pleasant orange hue, filling the always so cold passage with a hazy atmosphere.

Sighing defeated he fished his keys out of his pocket, when his foot touched something. He didn't expect what he saw next.

In front of his door laid a plate packed in shrink-wrapping with a letter besides it. So that's where the smell came from.

“ _Maybe from Kazue. An_ apology?” he thought.

He unlocked the door and picked the dish and letter up. Stepping inside his flat he closed the door with a kick of his left foot. He toed his shoes off and went right into the kitchen to put everything down on his dining room table.

Sitting himself down on one of the chairs, he pulled his legs up to his body and picked the letter up.

His heart began to speed up and a warm feeling started to spread through his whole body at the sight of the familiar font on the envelope. His eyes widened and he only heard his heart beating.

The sunbeams touched his face softly, warming the embraced skin up. The feeling in the apartment was nothing like yesterday. It was cozy, with the sun illuminating the surfaces it touched.

“Oikawa Tooru” was written on the plane white of the cover in neat kanji. He knew this writing just too well. It's the same he always had to read when he copied his forgotten homework.

It was Hajime's.

Carefully, he opened the envelope and pulled the letter out. Scanning it for five seconds, he marked that it's really short. Just a few lines.

“ _Tooru, this was not the way I wanted to see you again after so long. I didn't know that we are neighbours. This is not going to be an explanation, because I'd like to tell you everything from face to face. So, if you're up to it, I'll wait in front of your building at 6 P.M._

_P.S.: I hope the milk bread is good. Haven't done it in quite a while._

_Hajime”_

“ _Yes, yes, yes!”_ was the first thing that shot to Tooru's mind.

He was feeling kind of dizzy, but at the same time so relieved and happy. All the bad things from last night were washed away by a wave of relief. The delight scrubbed his bones free from all the negativity, which laid itself there yesterday. He felt so light.

Pulling the plate closer to himself, he unwrapped it and took a piece of milk bread. It was fluffy and had a perfect golden colour. It looks like taken out of a commercial. He closed his eyes and took a bite.

It tasted like memories. _Good m_ emories. He felt like he was back in Sendai, where the cicadas sung songs to there loved ones in the backyard. Suddenly he felt Hajime all around him, with every fiber of his body.

Hajime always baked him milk bread on special occasions or to simply cheer him up. For birthdays, break ups with girls, getting hospitalized.

His first attempts were all horrible. On his third try, he even managed to burn the bread superficial while leaving the inside raw. But he got better and better until it was perfect. Tooru gave him many opportunities to get it perfect.

Maybe he had baked this one because of Tooru's break up with Kazue. For the old times being.

A smile crossed his lips.

It was currently 5:27 P.M. So in half an hour they would meet up.

He disappeared into his bedroom to change into other clothes and then into the bathroom the get ready.

When he giddily walked down the stairs, two at once, it was 5:55 P.M.

As he stepped out of the building, he could already see Hajime. Anywhere he went, the first thing he would recognize would be Hajime, always. Even after three and a half years.

Hajime was leaning against the facade of the apartment complex, looking up to the sky. It seemed like he hadn't changed much over the last years. He was still all broad shoulders, muscles, toned skin and eyes as green as the woods. He also stayed true to his style. Destroyed pants and a hoodie.

One thing changed, he noticed. He had a septum now and Tooru choked as he spotted it.

Tooru stepped in front of him, unsure about what to do and Hajime looked up. He smiled and Tooru's heart swelled at the sight. He wanted to cry again, out of sheer happiness. But he suppressed the urge.

Tooru smiled back. A honest smile.

He didn't know what to do now. Should he hug him? Shake his hand? Say _something_?

As if the other man could read his mind, he started talkingy, “We don't have to do anything, you know? Do you want to go for a walk. So we can talk? Oh, and hello, by the way,” Hajime smiled sheepishly.

“ _Straight forward as always,”_ Tooru noted.

“Hello and yes, sure. Lead the way,” he said aloud.

It was quiet as they walked. The silence was pleasant, not awkward or anything. Soothing even. Seemed like Hajime had a place where he wanted to bring Tooru, who gladly walked besides his best friend.

After some roaming, they entered a forest, hearing the birds sing and the wind stroking through leaves. The sun shined through the tree peaks, elucidating the forest.

Suddenly, they stayed in front of a hidden lake. The water was muddy and you couldn't see the ground. Like a see of mushed leaves. It was surrounded by trees. It was silent and the air tingled their skin. They sat down on the grass and look at the surface of the water.

After a while, Hajime took a deep breath and hesitated, “I'm so sorry for how the things between us went. I didn't want us to become like this. But before I noticed us drifting away, it was too late.”

His eyes still lingered on the lake.

Tooru could sense there was more behind Hajime's disappearing, but bit the questions back.

“I'm also sorry. We both didn't realize what was happening,” Tooru answered instead while scratching the back of his neck. He allowed his fingers to brush the tattoo there.

“I came here because of you, you know. I really hoped to meet you again, but under different circumstances.”

They both chuckled at that and it felt so easy and natural. How has Tooru been able to live without this?

Tooru wanted to say so much more. Wanted to tell Hajime how terribly he missed him. But he didn't. Something inside of him inhibited his tongue.

“Do you think we can rebuild what we had before?” Tooru asked into the silence all of a sudden. He turned his face to look at Hajime's profile.

“Yes,” was Hajime's short answer. He also turned his face to look at Tooru.

As they looked each other in the eyes, all of Tooru's fibers tingled and his heart beat faster again. He felt himself hopelessly sink into the green of the others eyes.

There was no sign of hesitation in Hajime's eyes. They were steady and concentrated. No gaze of insecurity lingered on them. While looking into Hajime's eyes, Tooru felt as if they could really do this.

They started talking about what happened the last years. Tooru talked about his failed relationships, about how much he still loves astronomy and the university where he made some of the greatest friends ever. He told Hajime many stories of the unruly chemistry student, Kuroo Tetsurou, and the hyperactive arts student, Bokuto Koutarou.

Hajime talked about his medicine classes and how tiring it was, but he loved it though.

“I also have a baby now,” Hajime stated some time into the conversation.

Tooru hums appreciating, not fully understanding what Hajime just said, until the impact of his words fully hit Tooru.

“ _Wait. Baby? What the hell is he talking about?”_ he asked himself.

Tooru's mouth fell open in shock and he slowly turned his head to his friend. A hot, uncomfortable feeling started to rise in his stomach. Did his best friend mistakenly get a girl pregnant?

Hajime looked at Tooru, now with a raised eyebrow. Tooru watched as a lopsided grin spreaded over Hajime's features.

“Not like that, idiot. I kinda adopted a dog,” he laughed at Tooru's shocked face.

Relief washed over his insides.

“Then why didn't you just fucking say you _adopted a dog_?” he asks with mock-hurt and a pout, while lightly smacking his friend on the arm.

Hajime just shrugged, “Wouldn't have been as funny.”

Tooru could see the grin sneaking back onto his friends face.

“She's a Golden Retriever and her name's 'Pumpkin'. One day when I went home from my classes, I went through an alley and there she was, totally starved and dirty. So I took her home with me,” Hajime added.

“This is so nice of you. I didn't know you could be like this. Fascinating,” Tooru snickered.

“Oh shut up,” was Hajime's answer, still with a light smile curled around his lips. But the words weren't holding any bite.

“So, aren't we going to talk about the fact that you named a Golden Retriever _'Pumpkin'_?” Tooru cooed.

“She's a dog and not a goddamn vegetable,” he added laughing.

“You will understand when you see her,” Hajime answered lightly.

“Why didn't you take her with us now? I'd like to meet the girl who's possessing your heart,” Tooru purred and earned a light punch to the arm for the comment. They both started laughing.

Suddenly, he felt as if he he was back in Sendai again. Lazily lying on the roof of Hajime's home past their bedtime, of course with Hajime besides him.

Tooru often sneaked out when he couldn't sleep. In those nights he just started to climb onto the low roof outside of Hajime's window, knocked there and waited until his friend felt ready to keep him company. Together, they just looked at the stars together then and talked until Tooru felt ready to finally sleep.

They fell into a comfortable conversation about everything and nothing. The whole time, Tooru felt as if there was a new flame inside of him, which has been extinguished when Hajime left. Tooru watches his every move as if he was afraid of missing something he would never see again.

He looked at Hajime as if he was the one who put his beloved stars into the sky. He loved the way he spoke, the way his mouth curled around the letters. How his eyes crinkled while doing so. The wrinkles so deep, Tooru could get lost in them, if he didn't pay attention. He loved the way Hajime laughed, untroubled and carefree. He loved the sound of his laugh. It sounded like the crackle of a fire and heavy raindrops, letting Tooru experience the most beautiful warmth and the soothing sound of dripping. Hajime was a symphony of fire and water. Two faced but so well balanced.

But most of all, Tooru loved the way Hajime made _him_ feel. As if he doesn't have to worry about anything in the world. As if they could carry his troubles together. Hajime made him feel so light. He loved how he felt like coming _home_ around Hajime.

A single tear of delightfulness rolled down Tooru's cheek, while his mouth is spread into a grin. “ _I_ _have really missed him,”_  he thought as he wiped the tear away and they fell back into stillness.

“By the way. The milk bread was as good as ever. I kinda missed it. Thank you,” Tooru suddenly blurted out.

“Well, you had a break up. It's tradition after all, isn't it? And milk bread always had the ability to lift your mood,” Hajime answered.

“ _And you,”_ Tooru added in his head.

As the night broke over them, the air became colder and the wind blew harder. Again, feeling the air with the smell of rain and briskness. The aerial around them felt humid like they were in an indoor swimming pool.

“Seems like it's going to rain soon,” Hajime said while looking up to the sky.

“We should leave," he added.

Breathing in the night air he stretched his limbs and sighed. When he was finished with his cat like behaviour, Hajime was already standing in front of him, extending a hand to help Tooru up.

Gladly he accepted it. The touch sent sparks through Tooru's whole body, making his heart jump out of rhythm. He reminded himself that it's just Hajime who he's touching.

When they stood in front of each other, no one let go of the others hand. They just stood and stared at their intertwined hands. They fit perfectly.

Tooru let go first and started walking. Soon enough, Hajime was by his side. They both made their way home, side by side with a carefree smile playing on their lips.

They came to a halt in front of the building, in which Tooru's flat is. While they walked, Tooru didn't notice the stream of time. Around Hajime, things like time were non-existent.

“I will see you soon?” Hajime asked, ripping Tooru out of his thoughts.

“Of course you will. You won't get rid off me as easily as the last time, _Iwa-chan,"_ Tooru teased. Hajime's features softened at hearing the pet name again, the first time after _years_.

As he wanted to turn around and step away, Tooru halfway shouted, “Wait! Give me your number.”

The other one looked over his shoulder and countered, “So you can call me when you miss me too much?” with an eyebrow raised in question.

Tooru sputtered and a red hue grazed his cheeks. Fortunately it was dark, but he was pretty sure he glowed.

Hajime fished his phone out of his pocket and after typing something he held it into his friend's face. “There. Type your number in. I'll text you.”, Hajime promised.

“Fine," was the remark he got. As Tooru finished typing in his number, they said their goodbyes. An unspoken promise to see each other again hung in the air and Tooru breathed it in like it was the oxygen he needed in order to survive.

When Tooru was back in his bedroom, already prepared for sleep, all the things he would have liked to say came to his mind. He wanted to tell Hajime that no one was _ever_ able to fill the gap he had left in his heart. Wanted to tell him how happy he was that after all this years, they still seemed to be able to read each others minds.

Wanted to tell him how much he loved him.

It took Tooru twenty-two years to realize he fell in love with his best friend. It was gravity and it was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all I've got for the second chapter.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated. You can hit me up on [Tumblr](thaxatos.tumblr.com) and talk to me about anything.
> 
> I hope you liked it~.


	3. Basorexia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basorexia: Ba-So-Rex-I-A  
> (n.) The overwhelming desire to kiss
> 
> The following days after his reunion with Hajime went by fast. He had much work to do for his classes. Hajime, as it seemed, too. But still, they met at their windows nearly everyday again. Tooru always taking a cigarette-break and Hajime just needed fresh air. Somehow they always managed to be there at the same time. So they talked for a while, until Tooru's cigarette burnt down.
> 
> They texted too. But neither of them was much of a texter. They like talking face to face way more. 
> 
> On a gloomy Friday evening Tooru got another message, the content surprised him. 
> 
> Iwa-chan~: Are you free tonight? 
> 
> Tooru: Yes~. I don't have a girlfriend anymore to keep me occupied and I already finished studying. Why do you ask?
> 
> Iwa-chan~: Do you want to come over? There's still someone waiting to meet you. 
> 
> Tooru: Smooth, Iwa-chan. Really smooth. But yes, I'm at yours in 10 minutes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There goes the third chapter. 
> 
> Here's the [Basorexia Playlist](https://playmoss.com/en/thaxatos/playlist/ipodyopi)
> 
> It's getting fluffier from here on.
> 
> Enjoy~.

The following days after his reunion with Hajime went by fast. He had much work to do for his classes. Hajime, as it seemed, too. But still, they met at their windows nearly everyday again. Tooru always taking a cigarette-break and Hajime just needed fresh air. Somehow they always managed to be there at the same time. So they talked for a while, until Tooru's cigarette burnt down.

They texted too. But neither of them was much of a texter. They like talking face to face way more.

On a gloomy Friday evening Tooru got another message, the content surprised him.

Iwa-chan~: Are you free tonight?

Tooru: Yes~. I don't have a girlfriend anymore to keep me occupied and I already finished studying. Why do you ask?

Iwa-chan~: Do you want to come over? There's still someone waiting to meet you.

Tooru: Smooth, Iwa-chan. Really smooth. But yes, I'm at yours in 10 minutes!

He was glad Hajime wanted to hang out. It showed him that they could really pull this off. Rebuilding their friendship. His heart ached at the word "friendship".

He was currently sitting on his couch, surrounded by fluffy pillows and a soft blanked draped over him. Jumping up, he went to his bedroom. The bedroom which nearly screamed "insomnia".

The walls were a pale blue, because Tooru once read this is the most soothing color and it would help people to find sleep. There isn't much furniture in here. Just a bed, a closet and a nightstand. All in white. His fitted sheets, blanket and pillow were also white. So his brain could stay calm. Thick curtains hung in front of the window to shut out every ray of light.

He decorated his bedroom after rules he had picked up in a text about insomnia and how to counteract against it. It really did help.

Striving over to his closet, he pulled some navy gray sweats and a worn out shirt out. He changed into them and left the bedroom in a good mood. Next, he stepped into the bathroom to undo his contact lenses and put his glasses on.

Taking his mobile phone and keys with him, he walked out of his apartment, out of the building to the one on the left. He rang once and waited until he heard a buzz. Pushing the entrance door to the house open, he walked up the stairs to where Hajime's flat was located.

As he reached the right door, he knocked two times. After not even seconds he could hear the barking of a dog, at which he jerked back a step. He wasn't prepared for that. But then he heard a gruff “Shh. Still.” from the other side of the door and immediately relaxed.

The door opened up and he caught sight of Hajime, dressed in black sweats, reaching just over the man's knees and a black hoodie with 'System Of A Down' written on it in a bold, red framed font. Through his legs Pumpkin looked suspiciously at Tooru.

She sniffed the air and took a jump around Hajime's legs before one of them could react. Then she jumped another time, her front paws now against Tooru's abdomen, pushing. Before he can do anything, she ripped him to the ground while a shriek escaped his mouth. Laying on the ground with his back against the cold, hard floor he could feel a gravelly, wet _something_ stroke over his whole face. He put his hands in front of his face in defense and whimpered.

Suddenly, the the weight was pulled off of him and he could hear Hajime scolding his dog.

As he opened his eyes there was, yet again, an extended hand in front of him. He took it and Hajime pulled him up.

He could still see the shock lingering in Hajime's eyes.

“I'm so sorry. Normally, she barks at new people and doesn't even look at them, until they feed her. I really didn't expect this," he apologized.

Tooru rubbed at his face to get some of the leftover saliva off and mumbled, “I didn't expect your _baby_ to be a full ass grown dog. This thing is a cow!” while pointing at the dog in the hallway. She had fur that really had the color of a pumpkin. It looked kind of unnatural. Tooru understood where her name came from.

“At least you are clean now," was all Hajime said as he stepped inside his apartment, convinced that Tooru will follow. He does.

Tooru saw that there was an image in a cartoon style on the back of Hajime's hoodie. Four men riding an elephant over red mushrooms with white dots on them. Over the image the word 'SOAD' was written in the same font as the words on the front.

When Tooru entered the apartment the first time, he was hit with the smell of forests and citrus. It smelled so much like Hajime.

The apartment of his best friend was nothing like his. It looked rustically. Dark wood furniture that seemed older than Hajime himself. And everywhere were memories.

“ _So many pictures,"_ he thought to himself. Pictures of Hajime with his friends or family, Pumpkin and... with him. In the middle of the hallway wall was the picture of his and Hajime at their graduation. He still had it. He even had it hung up. He swallowed as happiness seeped into his system.

Tooru looked everywhere. Observed every small detail.

“Are you hungry? We can order something," Hajime asked from the kitchen.

“I'm starving and you're paying," Tooru replied cheerily as he turned his gaze back to his friend with a smug smile.

“Fine," Hajime mumbled with a frown and walked over to a drawer to fetch the menus.

After they decided what to get, Hajime called the restaurant and ordered their picks.

They sat down on the couch, Pumpkin immediately jumped up too. She curled up against Hajime with her head on his lap, as he stroked her head. Tooru kind of wanted to be her in this moment.

“Why are you pouting?” his best friend suddenly asked with raised eyebrows and a shimmer of amusement in his eyes.

This caught Tooru totally off-guard. He didn't even realize he was pouting, _because he's jealous at a dog._

Hajime dropped the question and they started talking about everything that has happened the last days until the food arrived. Hajime really payed for him, to his surprise. He didn't really expect him to do so. They put on the first episode of Game of Thrones while they eat. Hajime really liked the show. Tooru has never even seen a second of it. But he started to like it too half an hour into the episode.

After they had finished, Tooru inhaled deep and stated, “We should build a blanket fort. For the old times being.”

Hajime just raised an eyebrow. “We are twenty-two. Don't you think we're too old for this?” he replied.

“Nope. I think this is the age where we are finally able to build the _perfect_ fort," Tooru answered with a bright smile.

Hajime just sighed in defeat and stood up to push the table out of the way. He knew better than to argue with Tooru over something like this.

They started to separate the couch, piled cushions on top of each other and finally threw a blanket over the whole construct. Additionally, they spread out some covers inside the fort and placed some pillows there.

“Turn off the lights!” Tooru exclaimed excitedly and crawled into the castle of softness. After Hajime turned the lights off, he laid himself down besides Tooru.

Tooru recognized that this was a stupid idea. A _fucking_ stupid idea. He was so near to Hajime, he could feel the warmth the other body radiated. He could feel the steady breathing of the other man in every single one of his bones. If Hajime turned his face to him, he would probably feel it on his skin.

His heart began to speed up and he hoped it wouldn't burst out of his chest.

Hajime then picked their conversation up, as if he was feeling Tooru's panic. They talked again and Tooru felt himself relax again.

After some time, even Pumpkin crawled into their building and laid down in the space between them.

It was beautiful. Even though Tooru's heart was still racing, sending adrenaline through all his muscles. It was just them in a small space. Curled up under the soft comfort of cotton and silk. Both embraced by the warmth, caught in between the construction. Every time one of them moved some of their limbs inevitably brushed the other one. Every time Tooru received a soft touch, he shivered all over again and his breath hitched.

Every time Hajime laughed, it felt like the whole word is shaking to Tooru. In the darkness it was even more intense than in the sweet comfort of light. It teared at his heart. His whole body shuddered when another honest laugh erupted from his left side. Has he felt like this every time when they were together?

“ _I have been so dense,"_ he thought.

Laying here, side by side gave him a feeling of belonging. As if all the chaos suddenly disappeared, just because _Hajime_ was now here. With him. He felt like he was being pulled in by Hajime, floating in his gravity.

After their conversation silenced and Tooru only heard steady breathing and soft snores from his left, he bit his lip and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He slowly drifted into sleep, the relaxation of a source of warmth heavy on his whole body. He embraced it gladly.

* * *

 He felt so warm as he opened his eyes again. So warm. He had never felt like this, not even with his past girlfriends.

It was still dark and silent, except for the mellow breathing next to him. This really was soothing.

As his eyes got used to the darkness, he followed the length of his right arm to where his hand was with his eyes.

It was intertwined with Hajime's. Their fingers curled around each others like ivy. It was the most natural thing Tooru had seen since a long time. The sight emitted a feeling of veracity. His hand felt like it was pressed into burning ash. But it felt so good. So right. So he didn't back out.

He carefully considered his thoughts. Then he decided to exploit this situation.

Slowly, without dividing their hands, he turned around, sliding further to Hajime while doing so. His back was now pressed to the other male's front, Hajime's arm draped over Tooru's left shoulder. Their hands still tangled.

The touch was hot and triggered trembles in Tooru's whole body. He felt save in the arms of the other man. As if nothing could hurt him now, except the man in question. Hajime against him felt like they were part of the same skin. Tracing over Hajime's arm with his left hand, he followed the veins and mapped out the bronzed skin. He would forever remember this. He sucked in the scent of his friend and it burnt itself into his brain, so he won't ever forget about it. He felt his hand being squeezed and it was a confirmation for him that _this_ was okay and Hajime would not hurt him ever again. He squeezed back and heard a relaxed sigh from behind him.

Under these covers, everything seemed so easy. So save. Tooru felt as if he could conquer the world right now.

Sighing, he closed his eyes again. This was good.

* * *

 In the last months he hadn't slept as well as tonight.

As Tooru woke up the next morning he turned around and started to search for Hajime with his hand. He could still feel warmth besides him. He found the source of the heat and felt the soft fur between his fingers.

Fur?

His eyes shot open instantly and were met with the humble brown eyes of Pumpkin, who was staring right back at him, head crooked. As greeting, she licked him square over the face. He chuckled and tried to shove her off.

“Yeah. Good morning to you too, but stop," he mumbled, sleep still covering his bones.

The dog just panted happily and crawled out from under the fort. Tooru did the same after putting his goggles back on. As he stood in the living room again he stretched and yawns. His joints cracking as they went back into their places.

“So, you're finally awake?” he heard the rough voice from his best friend who was sitting at the dining table. A soft, amused smirk on his face.

“What time is it and since when are you awake?” Tooru asked back while watching Pumpkin happily walk over to her owner to receive some pats. As if Hajime told her to wake him up and this is her reward.

“It's 11 A.M. now and I've been awake since around 9. I didn't wake you up, because you seemed to need the extra sleep," he shrugged nonchalantly.

Oikawa felt his skin tingle and his body warm up. Hajime even managed to send warmth through his body with the sheer force of his words.

“The government announced a power failure for the next weekend but they didn't say why. Just said it would be from Friday evening to Sunday morning," Hajime stated totally off-topic, as always, after a while.

Tooru's eyes lit up.

“It's the aliens, Iwa-chan. They are coming this weekend to parley with the government and because of there extraterrestrial energy they will cause a power error in the area," Tooru pointed out matter of factly, while trying to look as professional as possible in his sweats and worn out shirt. But he had his glasses on. So they did the job.

Hajime just rolled his eyes with a fond expression.

“I should go home. Showering and changing. But I will help you clean up first," Tooru declared then.

Hajime hummed acknowledging while getting up. So they did just that and after they were finished they told their goodbyes and Tooru walked to his own flat.

The first thing he did when he was in his own four walls again was showering, afraid that he will wash the soft touches of the past night away. Remembering them, he could still feel the same warmth and the prickling feeling they left on his skin. He wanted more like this. He didn't want the last night to be the only and last one like this. He needed a plan.

* * *

 As the days passed, Tooru still hadn't come up with a plan to get his best friend to fall in love with him. It was frustrating. After all he was a strategist. But this was _so hard_.

It was Friday afternoon when the power error occurred. Tooru was currently doing some work for his physics class when the lights around him started to flicker and his laptop stopped loading, even though being plugged in. He got up and walked over to the window. He could see the lights going out in the buildings, one by one, around him.

He wandered around in his flat to pick up some candles. Placing them all over his apartment, he lit them up. Fortunately he remembered to buy some yesterday.

He slurped back to his laptop and worked some more on his papers. When he finished them it was already dark outside and his laptop was at 25%. So he shut it off and wandered into the kitchen to get some cereal. Cooking was no deal right now, after all.

After he had finished, he took a quick shower because showering with cold water just wasn't his cup of tea.

He fetched his cigarettes, a lighter, his phone and a blanket and sat down onto a chair on his balcony. His thoughts immediately started to spin around Hajime again. He tried to come up with a plan. But still, he was totally distracted by the events from the last weekend.

Suddenly his mobile buzzed and he picked it up to see from who the incoming message was.

Speaking of the devil. It was from Hajime.

Iwa-chan~: Go into the hallway.

“What the hell?”, he muttered under his breath.

This was strange. Really strange. Why did Hajime want him to go into the hallway at half past eleven?

“Maybe the aliens have brainwashed him," he chuckled to himself.

But as he was told, he got up and carried his stuff inside. On the way to his front door, he walked by the mirror and checked his appearance.

His hair was more curly than usual. It looked like a vortex had styled it with ruthlessness in it's mind. He was wearing a black shirt with red hems. On the shirt was a white print of an UFO, which was picking up a cow in a minimalist style. There was a text in the abduction beam saying “I'm not saying it was the aliens, but it was the aliens” and he had put on some black pants in a destroyed optic. He thought the shirt was perfect for today.

Pocketing his keys, he opened the door to the hallway.

What he saw there was the last thing he expected and it sent goosebumps all over his skin.

The whole passage was illuminated by the soft light of light strings. Dipping everything they touched into a damp orange hue.

As he examined the lights closer, he recognized they had a special order. They were supposed to be constellations. He could make out cetus, cygnus, draco, cepheus and so much more.

He caught sight of a round something that was gracefully hanging from the ceiling on a transparent string. He walked closer towards it and realized it was a model of Mercury, the nearest planet to the sun. It had the same colors as gravel and extracted a grayish light.

There was a note attached to the rebuild.

“ _Follow the planets.”_ was written there in the same familiar font as the one on the letter he had received, days ago.

His heart was beating like a drum and heat curled itself through his body like a wildfire only one person was able to indicate. He took wobbly steps, his legs feeling like someone exchanged his muscles and bones with gelatin.

He spotted the next planet. It was Venus, shimmering in a slightly golden color and bigger than Mercury. He found the next planets with ease, until he stood in front of the emergency exit. Through the glass he could vaguely see a model of Jupiter. So he opened the door and a cold breeze stroked his cheek encouragingly. The cold let him shiver.

When he closed the door, he stared at the huge model of Jupiter a pale blue and orange colors. Looking up, he could see the stairs through the grid and so much more pleasant light.

The following luminaries lead up the stairs.

With every step, his heart beat a little faster. Anticipation twined around his nerves, leaving him trembling. On every of the next three levels was another planet model until he reached the last floor and was met with the sight of the bald roof.

He scanned over the top until he spotted _it_. There was a trail of lights in different colors, leading to the person who caused all of this.

In the center of the concrete, Hajime stood in front of a white mattress, covered in white blankets and white cushions with another light string attached to the sides. He wore a plane white button down and another pair of black jeans in a destroyed optic. Hajime was looking right at him. His right hand clenched around a luminous, gray ball. A gentle smile coiled around his lips.

Tooru strode over the floor with wide steps.

“What is all of this?” he asked breathless with his arms spread to the sides.

“I just wanted to bring the stars down from the sky for you," Hajime shrugged as if didn't just do something unbelievable.

Tooru stopped in his tracks. The sentence sent a quiver akin to an earthquake through his whole body, leaving him shaking. He thought he could hear his bones clash against one another. He swallowed and ignored the wave of heat crashing over his body, leaving him as cold as if he dived into nitrogen. Stiffly, he continued to walk.

They are now standing so close to each other, Tooru could count the freckles on Hajime's face.

Hajime took Tooru's right hand with his left, palm facing to the sky. He then carefully laid the model of Pluto, the last planet of the solar system, into Tooru's open hand.

“I also got you the planets," Hajime added and looked into Tooru's eyes, smiling sweetly.

At this, Tooru broke. He could feel his eyes fill with hot tears. He couldn't hold them back and they started to race over his face. His whole face scrunched up, his whole vision blurry.

Never in his life, anyone has done something remotely as perfect as this just for _him_.

“ _Why?”_  he sobbed into the silence with a high pitched voice, between hiccups.

Hajime smiled brighter at him, immediately lighting up everything in a radius of ten meters.

“Because I love you. Since so many years," he answered with quivering words. Words filled with honesty and adoration.

Now tears streamed down the latter's face too.

Tooru let go of the Pluto model and it fell to there feet with a dull sound. He wrapped his arms around Hajime's neck, pulling them closer together to bury his face into the crook of the other man's neck. His sobbing got heavier with every second and he felt like his heart was just about to detonate. Feeling like fusing, while colliding into each other.

He felt a pair of arms loop around his waist, holding him tightly. As they fell into each other, sparks as bright as bolts emitted from the contact of two souls touching each other for the very first time.

The place where Hajime's hands linger, warms Tooru's body into the very last cell. There was the familiar feeling of being set on fire again. His whole body shook with anticipation. He felt weightless, as if his whole body was carved out. As if relief made itself a home inside of him, there, where once his vital organs were.

“I love you too," he answered while tightening his grip around Hajime's neck. Taking in every bit of the sensation as the world around them stopped.

The wind blew through their hair. Holding each other so tight, so there was no room for air among them.

The galaxy, Hajime built up, was now forgotten behind them, showing the path to their mirth.

Above them, the stars and the moon shined down, but they could never radiant as much light as the two bodies clinging onto each other in the middle of a roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of the third chapter. Next one will be the last. 
> 
> Btw. In my twisted mind, Iwa listens to metal and hard rock, such as SOAD. lol. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcomed. You can hit me up on [Tumblr](thaxatos.tumblr.com) and talk to me about anything.
> 
> I hope you liked it~.


	4. Redamancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Redamancy: Red-A-Man-Cy  
> (n.) The act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full
> 
> “Why did you leave three years ago? Why did you cut me off?” Tooru sobbed through heavy breaths.
> 
> “I couldn't stand it anymore. I've been in love with you for so long, but you were unattainable. I didn't know what to to anymore," Hajime began, “I was afraid of telling you how I feel. So I came to the very smart conclusion to just leave it, you, and forget about it all. But it didn't work out the way I wanted it to. With every day it got harder. I missed you so much and instead of forgetting about you, you were on my mind every singly minute, stronger than the one before. And after years it got unbearable. So I decided to search you and speak my fucking mind. You can't run from something that already became a part of your soul.”
> 
> Tears were still falling from their eyes, like raindrops out of a storm cloud. Still holding onto each other like tied. 
> 
> The scent of Hajime clung to Tooru's nose, sure to never be forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! It's getting kinda smutty from here on?  
> This was my first attempt to write smut, haha. I kind of tried to keep it poetic, lol. 
> 
> Anyways, here is the [Redemancy Playlist](https://playmoss.com/en/thaxatos/playlist/dhidjdnsne)
> 
> I'm sorry. This is way shorter than I wanted it to. 
> 
> Enjoy~.

“Why did you leave three years ago? Why did you cut me off?” Tooru sobbed through heavy breaths.

“I couldn't stand it anymore. I've been in love with you for so long, but you were unattainable. I didn't know what to to anymore," Hajime began, “I was afraid of telling you how I feel. So I came to the very smart conclusion to just leave it, you, and forget about it all. But it didn't work out the way I wanted it to. With every day it got harder. I missed you so much and instead of forgetting about you, you were on my mind every singly minute, stronger than the one before. And after years it got unbearable. So I decided to search you and speak my fucking mind. You can't run from something that already became a part of your soul.”

Tears were still falling from their eyes, like raindrops out of a storm cloud. Still holding onto each other like tied.

The scent of Hajime clung to Tooru's nose, sure to never be forgotten.

Hajime put a hand under Tooru's chin and when the latter looked up again, Hajime smiled, wide and brilliant with diamonds on his eyelashes.

“But I am here now," he wept and before Tooru could comment anything, he felt warmth on the left side of his face and lips on his own.

Not even thinking about it, he closed his eyes and returned the delicate touch. His whole body was on fire and he felt like drowning all the same. He forgot the world around him, forgot that they were in the middle of a roof, around them two galaxies. One built to show love and the other, maybe too. He placed his hand on the back of Hajime's neck and it felt like a new star was rising. It was different from all the kisses he had before, but it was also the best of them all.

Willingly, he parted his lips and left Hajime in control. Their tongues now performed a slow waltz to the beating of their hearts. Rhythmical, their lips moved against one another and they were so in sync.

Hums and moans were suffocated in the mouth of the other. Their hands still in place, trembling as if they were afraid. Maybe they were.

Hajime pulled back and a diabolic, skew smile played on his lips. Before Tooru could do anything, he felt the others arms around his waist and was pulled forward. A squeak escaped his lips as Hajime let himself fall backwards, pulling Tooru with him.

During the fall, Hajime turned Tooru so they both were now laying with their backs on the mattress, eyes glued to the sky.

As Hajime looked over to him, he spotted Tooru's baffled expression and laughed, loud and hoarse and without any track of restraint. Eyes shut, with the skin around them so crinkled, he now had abysses around them.

Tooru just closed his eyes and huffed, “Now your dog _and you_ both ripped me to the ground. Is this because of the same blood, you animal?”

“You can say what you want, I'll always remember your face and you can't take that from me," Hajime sputtered smiling.

In this moment, Tooru had everything he longed for the past three and a half years. Laying side by side with his best friend and a jaunty atmosphere around them. Light laughter and deep feelings.

“Look up," Hajime commanded with an open mouth. Tooru hadn't even realized that his gaze lingered on Hajime's face. As told, he looked up.

Above them the whole sky exposed itself. Raw and bright, all the stars lingered over them in their whole beauty. Tooru's jaw dropped. He didn't even _think_ about watching the stars tonight. But it was the nearest thing to do. A power error, all the lights out in Tokyo, a city that was bright day and night. Of course you were able to see the stars just perfect. As an emergent astronomer, Tooru felt ashamed for not thinking of it.

“So that's why you brought a mattress up here?” Tooru blurted out before thinking about the question a second time.

Hajime crooked an eyebrow while glancing at Tooru

“Of course. What did you think I brought- _Oh my god_ ," Hajime answered muttering the last three words.

“You are the worst!” he exclaimed in addition. Reaching behind him, he grabbed a pillow and hit Tooru in the face with it, all while another deep laugh of him roared through the night.

Tooru pulled the pillow off of his face and placed it on top of his stomach, hugging it tight.

“Is this such a strange thought? Don't you _want_ to?” Tooru murmured while pouting.

“I didn't say that," Hajime simply answered and like that, they dropped the topic.

After this, they were silent for a while. Trying not to break the delicate air around them with their voices.

They adjusted themselves probably during that time, so they were lying on the mattress the way you should lie on one.

Tooru's head placed on Hajime's upper body, their legs intertwined like roots. Hajime stroked Tooru's hair with one hand, while his left held Tooru's right. Fingers interlaced like tendrils, embedded on Hajime's steadily rising and falling chest.

Together they just laid there, forgetting everything that happened around them. Tokyo may be dark, but it was still noisy.

Suddenly, Tooru broke the silence, “How did you even build all of this? And how the hell did you get a _king sized_ _mattress_ up here?” he asked, still looking at the constellations, clearer than ever above him.

Hajime cleared his throat.

“I _may_ have had some help from Bokuto and Kuroo?” he answered, but it sounded more like a question.

Tooru's eyes widened.

“How do you know them?” he asked, now in an uncomfortable position, just so he could look at Hajime.

“Well, you told me about them. So I watched out for them at the University," Hajime answered sheepish.

“Your description of them was really helpful. _Kuroo has the most ridiculous bed hair and Bokuto just looks like a huge ass owl with two hair-horns and they are really tall_ ," Hajime cited Tooru.

“You really put some effort in all of this. I wish we could just leave it like this. It's too beautiful to put it away," Tooru pouted again.

“Well, you can build it up your apartment?” Hajime answer-questioned.

At this, Tooru jumped up, untangled their hands and legs and before Hajime was able to react, Tooru sat on his stomach with his thighs on either side of Hajime. Tooru's hands laid on Hajime's chest.

“Are you serious? You just want to give this _to me?_ ” he mused with wide eyes.

“Of course. You do get for who I even made this, right?” Hajime answered with an askew grin, gently brushing the strands of hair that fell over Tooru's eyes behind his ears with calloused fingers.

Tooru grabbed his face and like this, they were kissing again. More passionate than before. Hunger seeped into the kiss and their tongues no longer staged a waltz, but more of a salsa.

Their hands no longer shook. Steadily, they roamed over each others body. Hajime's hands were under Tooru's shirt then and every touch felt new for him. At first, every contact felt hot like hot iron was pressed onto his body, but after that, when Hajime's touch no longer lingered there, it felt like ice cubes were placed onto a burning wound. Flames were placed all over Tooru's body. Hajime's hands roamed lower and grabbed the hem of Tooru's shirt. Carefully, he pulled it over Tooru's head, exposing the smooth pale skin, littered with dark moles that were constellations on their own.

As the march air collided with his skin, he shuddered. A failed attempt to extinguish the flames that set his body on fire. They only fueled the fire, distributing it all over his figure, into the last crease. He could smell the briskness of spring.

With every touch, he trembled and wished this would never end. The city around them was long forgotten. In the soothing darkness of the night they felt brave to explore new areas, felt brave enough to experience groundbreaking sensations.

With one jolt, Hajime turned them around, so Tooru's back was against the mattress now and Hajime towering above him. A glimmer of yearning in his eyes. Hajime now pulled of his own top. Exposing all off his dark, smooth skin.

Flowers in the most beautiful purple and red tones raised on porcelain and bronze. Lips roaming over body parts, sending electricity through them with mouth to skin contact. Tasting each others flesh for the very first time.

Both of them now displayed in their full rawness, all the synthetic between them gone. Hands and lips in places, where none of the two ever thought they needed them.

Hajime's lips ghosted all over Tooru's upper body, slowly going down on him. With every hot breath that left Hajime's lips and met Tooru's skin, goosebumps rose anew. Hajime took his time. Worshiping every square centimeter of Tooru's skin. Paying the same amount of attention to every part. When Hajime reached his destination, Tooru was already a quivering mess, praying to every god he could recall at this time to have mercy on him. Tooru's legs were now knotted around Hajime's neck, every single one of his hairs stretching to the sky.

Every contact felt like flint to iron. Ivory colored fingers lost themselves in smooth, black strands at the sensation. A spine rising in the air, arching away from the mattress, while Hajime was splitting him open. Hajime brought light in the crack that's separating Tooru's thighs.

Between his own whimpers and the rustling of the sheets, Tooru could make out soft hums which vibrate through his whole body, shattering his very bones.

His mouth now slightly ajar, feeling as if screaming he muttered swears. His gaze lingered on the canopy, glistening with stars.

As a warm, tingling feeling rose from the pit of his stomach, the starry sky above him started to blur and his lids fluttered. His hands now tightened the grip on the strands of hair as lust overcame him and a guttural moan escaped through his lips. Their bodies left, glowing in the dark.

Tooru's body looked like a garden by this time, flowers blooming on his whole upper body and thighs. All the same, he looked ravished with biting marks studded over the skin between his thighs.

Every touch magnetizing, leaving blotches in futuristic colors all over the others pure souls, the way only two people dreaded in redamancy could.

Hajime's face appearing in his view again with a soft smile tingling on his lips. Tooru smiled back, placing is arm back around Hajime's shoulders, pulling him as close as possible, letting their mouths roam against each other again.

As both of their heartbeats slowed down a tact again, Hajime crossed the last boarder. Leaving a feeling in Tooru akin to floating, like so often.

Unrestrained moans roaring through the air. Tooru's grip around Hajime's shoulders tightening, holding on for dear life, his legs hooked around the others waist. Attempting to hold onto something, before he lost his mind.

Sensations spread through their bodies, leaving them hot and breathless as Hajime slowly fucks Tooru into the mattress, thousands of meter above the sea level.

Between heated moans and candid laughs, they could filter out tender promises of never letting go and always loving each other, which only could be perceived by the two of them, ever.

Moving to a technicolor beat, Tooru felt as if the heavens set fire. He took every little detail of Hajime in. His face, the tensing muscles, the way his body was moving, the way he tasted. _Everything_ he could get a grasp of.

Hell could break loose around them, they wouldn't even take notice of it. The only thing they noticed, was the love in their arms.

Hajime's hands and lips were still ghosting over every part of Tooru, every part they could reach. Mapping out everything of his body. Every curve, every mole and every vein.

The moment both of them snapped, it was as if a new galaxy was born, with it's own gravity only they could understand and float in, while everything else would just break at the extreme sensation.

Whimpers and squeals were knocked out of bodies, were vacuumed by the night, leaving a memorial that will last for ever inside of them.

Tooru's eyes were filled with tears of pleasure and sheer gratification. Hajime kissed them away.

Again they laid on the bed with there limbs as entwined as ivy on a climbing aid.

Hajime's hand combed through Tooru's soft tufts of melted caramel again. Tooru felt so save, like he was put into a glass cubicle. As if he could look at the outer world, but it couldn't harm him ever again.

And as they laid there, watching the stars fade and the sun ascend, Tooru's thoughts floated through his head, but there was only one he could grasp.

“ _Hajime didn't bring the stars and planets down from the sky for me. He built a whole new galaxy cluster within me.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, friends. Thank you so much for reading and als always: Kudos and comments are always well appreciated. 
> 
> Hmu on [Tumblr](thaxatos.tumblr.com) and we can talk about anything. 
> 
> I hope this was not the last thing I uploaded here. 
> 
> -Thaxatos, out.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was the first chapter. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcomed. You can hit me up on [Tumblr](thaxatos.tumblr.com) and talk to me about anything. 
> 
> I hope you liked it~.


End file.
